Count Your Blessings

Sometimes in life we are presented with something difficult. We pray and we pray for that difficult thing to be taken away or changed. Maybe it’s a health problem or a work problem. In my case it’s chronic migraine. Chronic migraine is typically classified as 15 days or more a month where you have a migraine headache (which can last from 15 minutes to several days).

My migraine headache is constant, 24/7, 365 days a year. The only thing that changes is the intensity of the pain. Generally it hovers around 6 out of 10. On a really good day it goes down to a 5. A bad day will be a 7 or 8 and keep me in bed with lots of extra medication. Migraine headaches are in a class of their own. They aren’t like other headaches. They are debilitating, and these have kept me from working for the past three years. In fact, they have kept me from doing much of anything – my hobbies, household chores, family activities, church activities – just about everything.

I’ve had a lot of people praying for me that God would heal me from these migraines. The elders at church have gathered around me and prayed for me several times for healing. But God has chosen not to do so. Why? I don’t know. Is it because He can’t? No. I know without a doubt that if it were in His plan for me, He would do so. He has a purpose in allowing me to continue with these headaches. I just may not know the reason until I stand before Him in Heaven and have the opportunity to ask Him.

What I do believe at this point however, is that He has chosen to leave me with these migraines for the long term. I no longer feel the need or desire to pray for healing; prayer for grace and endurance, yes.

What I have discovered through living with this adversity, is that God brings blessings to us if we will take the time to stop and recognize that He has given them to us. We receive these blessings as a result of the adversity or we recognize them because of the adversity. Here’s a list of a partial list of my blessings:

     1.  My wonderful husband who works and then comes home and takes care of the household chores from cooking to laundry to outside chores to seeing to my needs. He never complains.

     2.   My son who drives me to my appointments now that I can no longer drive my car.

     3.   My daughter who pitches in and helps with cleaning the house and baking things that I can eat on my special diet.

     4.   The friends from church that have kept in contact with me despite my long absence from Sunday services.

     5.   My dogs who seem to sense when I am having a particularly bad day and cuddle a little closer to comfort me.

     6.   My iPad that I am able to read on better days, that helps me focus and keep my mind off my migraines.

     7.   My disability pension that has kept me from having to worry about finances and not working.

     8.   My Bible study group (even though I have missed every study in the past 2 years! except the social functions) that has continually kept me in their prayers.

     9   My daughter’s friend for coming and staying with me so my husband could go

away on trips the past two years without leaving me at home alone.

     10. My friend for having my two dogs and me stay with her when my husband went away on a trip recently.

     11. All the different medications that have been created that help to stop the intense pain of the migraine attacks when they come plus the medications that I take to help prevent the severe attacks.

     12. Days when I can go for a walk with my husband without intense head pain.

So, I ask you to share with me today one or two of the blessings God has given you whether you are experiencing a good time or a difficult time.

It's Been Awhile...

Picture Credit: Association for Psychological Science

It’s been awhile since I’ve written a blog post here. Time has gotten away from me and simply flown away. I keep meaning to write a post and in fact have written one several times in my head but have not gotten to the computer to write it down and post it. One thing or another keeps getting in the way and before you know it another week or two or three are gone. Now I see that it’s been a year and a half since my last post. So much for posting once or twice a month.

Since my last post when I was having such a pity party I took another nose dive even further when I was asked to step away from serving in the church doing the slides for the music. I pretty much haven’t been to church since then because as I said, that was the whole reason I was able to force myself to go and cope with all the noise and light and people.

I was angry at God and the worship pastor for a while, but the Lord straightened both of us out on that score since it was more of a lack of communication issue than anything else.

So what have I been doing since then? Well, not so much really. Mainly reading books on my iPad, napping and blogging about them on my book review blog Shelf Full of Books and trying to stay positive.

This past spring we had to put one of our dogs down. Marble belonged to my daughter Leanne. He was blind but then developed cataracts and glaucoma and a suspected tumour behind his eye. The poor fella was in pain all the time

though he made a great attempt at not showing it. Now with both my young adult children gone to work in Alberta for the summer the house is quiet except for the dog that belongs to my son that howls and yips and barks whenever my husband is home but not in the same room as the dog is.

As for the migraines, they were holding steady for a while there, but in June

Google image

they took a steady turn upwards to one of the worst in several. In fact today is the first day I have been able to elevate my head in about 5 days. We’ve had a heat wave here and the most beautiful sunny weather, but get me anywhere near a light source and it’s instant pain.

That’s it in a nutshell for a year-and-a-half. I can’t remember all the blog posts I would have written about. I know there were quite a few, but the medications for the migraines often make it difficult to remember things. That’s why it’s not a very good idea for me to procrastinate. However, now that I’ve finally gotten a blog post up here again, I kind of feel much more motivated to keep it up on a more regular basis and make it more of a priority.

Here’s hoping to visit with you again in the near future! Keep your smile on!

What Do Parties and Black Holes Have In Common?

I've been partying for the past couple of weeks. Sounds like fun doesn't it. Partying brings up images of good times, friends, conversations, good food, socializing and all round happy times, doesn't it? Well, not this kind of partying. This was more of a pity party. Pity parties and black holes share one thing in common. They take and take and never give back.

I've been sitting at home feeling kind of sorry for myself. I actually told my husband I felt a bit like Job (you know, Job from the Bible, who lost everything). He laughed. Okay, I had to admit, it wasn't quite that bad. Job lost all his children and all his worldly possessions and then his friends and his health. And his wife wasn't much help either. She told him to curse God and die. My life hasn't been that bad.

But one of those negative little voices just got to me over the past couple of weeks niggling at me and when I saw the neurologist last week, that was like the straw that broke the camel's back.

All the things that I have "lost", or "can't do" or had to "give up" because of my migaines has started to weigh on me and drag me down some.

1. I stopped working. (Okay, I didn't mind that one too much)
2. I can't really drive the car much, or ride in it very far.
3. Traveling is out. Makes the migraines worse.
4. Socializing is practically zero.
5. I contribute almost nothing at home.
6. I'm almost never at church except when it's my turn to run the slides for the service.
7. I keep missing my turn to run the slides for the service so I've been feeling like, well then, why bother? (Keep in mind, this is something I love to do)
8. I'm not feeling any better than I was a year ago.
9. The neurologist said I had to give up coffee even though it helps reduce the headaches.
10. I have to give up a whole bunch of other foods that give me a lot of pleasure and restrict my diet such that it makes it nearly impossible to eat out at a restaurant or even friend's homes. I even have to bring my own teabags so I have something to drink!

I know it sounds like I am complaining, but I decided I needed to write it down, so I could face it, stop feeling sorry for myself, and stop grieving over it and carry on. I realize that if I keep thinking about all the negatives about it, this party will just continue, and keep sucking me in like a big black hole and never let me go.

My daughter is such a blessing. She is always trying to encourage me and reminded me that it's really not as bad as all that. Even when I feel bad, I just have to find something small and thank God for it - even when I don't feel very thankful for it. Because when I do thank Him for it, whatever that small thing is, somehow He changes us, and we become thankful. (I think I told her that one time....)

If God can take you to it 

Then God will take you through it 

It's a Wonderful Life

I've been meaning to write another post for some time now, actually since Christmas, but I just haven't been feeling well at all. I have had an awful series of migraines since Christmas and just haven't felt up to much. This post would have been much more suited to being posted in December, but I decided to post it now anyway because it's still on my mind.

Shortly befor Christmas, we watched the movie It's A Wonderful Life, as we often do, because it's one of my favourite Christmas movies. Here's a clip from it.

 

If you're not familiar with the movie, it's about a businessman, George Bailey who is disillusioned with life and thinks that he is worth more dead than alive, that his family would be better off without him and considers suicide. God sends an angel, by the name of Clarence Oddbody to show him this isn't true.

In one of the scenes, Clarence allows George to see what the world would be like if George had never been born. It's a much different place.

This is the reason that I like this movie so much. It reminds me that each of us has our place in this world and that God has placed us here for a purpose. When I was younger, I struggled a lot with depression (and thoughts of suicide) though most people who knew me at the time would not have known it. It is amazing the amount of hurt a person can cover up behind a smile. I often thought that no one would notice if I wasn't around and felt absolutely alone in the midst of a crowd.

I didn't have a Clarence Oddbody to show me that my life made a difference to a lot of people. I did (and still do) have an amazing God who stood by me and helped me walk through each day, sometimes one hour at a time, reminding me that He was with me and that He had a purpose for me. If I killed myself, I would not be able to fulfill God's purpose, which would be the wrong thing to do - and I did not want to face Him at His throne with that to answer for. It would give Satan a victory and it would be a brutal thing to do to my family. Of all those things it was the sin it would be that stopped me, because I wanted to come before God's throne and hear Him say "Well done, good and faithful servant" and I knew He couldn't say that if I committed suicide. 

If you have feelings like this, you don't need to be alone. There is help. Here are a few places you can go to for help. Click on the link and it will take you to the website:

What is the Answer

Suicide Prevention Centre of BC

Canadian Mental Health Association

Remember what Clarence said to George:
"You've really had a wonderful life. Don't you see what a mistake it would be to throw it away."

Hometown is Done and Christmas is Almost Here

Wow, time sure is flying fast. I spend so much time resting, that time is flying by faster than I can believe! The Hometown Christmas Production at our church finished on December 16th. As part of the sound crew I was at all the dress rehearsals and each productions. That meant every day from December 4th to 16th.

Normally the way things work with my headaches, I can only do one thing a day for one or two days in a row and then I need a day or two or three to rest. So, this was the busiest two weeks in this entire year for me. When I do too much, or get too tired, I get a massive headache and end up in bed for several days.

Well, I whole-heartedly believe in miracles. And so, with a heart full of faith, I embarked on my favourite activity of the year. For twelve days I rested during the day and arrived at church in the evening  at 5:45 ready to take part in the production. Sundays meant two shows, so 1:30 to 9:30 p.m. A few nights I admit I had to take some medication, but many nights I took none. I did have coffee every night as that helps the

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow!

I admit it. I have a love-hate relationship with snow. I do love how beautiful it makes the city. So pure and beautiful. So crisp and silent. It is wonderful to wake up to a white Christmas morning. Yet, I still harbour a small fear of the wicked white stuff.

When I was a teenager, 15 to be exact, newly off crutches from a broken femur for which I had spent 10 weeks in the summer months into the fall in the hospital in traction (no quick surgery and home you go at that time) due to a car accident, it began to snow heavily one afternoon. I contemplated whether or not to call my dad for a ride home, but decided not to since I knew he was at work. Besides, we only lived a few blocks from school.

So, out the doors of the school I walked carefully, down the small slope, and suddenly found myself sitting on the ground. "How odd," I thought. I didn't remember falling or slipping. I was sitting on my bottom with my knees bent and my feet turned to the right (rather lady-like, at least). I lifted my right leg and put my right foot on the ground to get up. As I tried to put my weight on it, I watched it simply slide to the right. I tried again. It did it again. "It's not supposed to do that," I said to myself, and tried once more. Again it slid to the right. There was no pain, but it was obvious I wasn't going to be getting up either.

So I resorted to calling to the other students around me for help. Someone got a teacher and they carried me into the school. Then they called an ambulance. With all the snow - there must have been 4 inches by that time, which is enough to cause major disruption in BC's Lower Mainland where snow is not really expected until January, if at all, it took awhile for the ambulance to arrive. Then, splinted and bundled into the ambulance, we embarked on a 3 hour ride to the hospital which was a mere 10 minutes away in better weather conditions.

At the hospital, they placed me on one of their new gurneys, a frame into which straps were attached from the gurney fabric beneath the patient so the patient could be placed on the bed or x-ray table and the gurney frame could be moved, rather than having to slide the patient from one to the other. Because the splint had been undone in order for the staff to conduct their examination, and I was now waiting to go to x-ray, but was in pain from muscle contractions, they tied my ankle to the gurney frame to provide some traction  and relieve the pain.

My parents were contacted and finally made it safely to the hospital themselves. My poor dad felt so bad because he had thought about picking me up from school, but because of the snow he wouldn't have even made it there in time.

After  a long wait it was my turn to go to the x-ray department. As the x-ray technician undid the straps to remove the gurney frame, I tried to explain about by ankle being tied to the frame, but not quickly enough. She lifted the frame. YEOW! She put it back down very quickly and released my ankle. Huge apologies.

Finally, x-rays done and several hours later, I went into surgery and had a pin inserted cross-wise into my shin onto which the doctors could attach a rope and 15 pounds of weight so that I could spend another 8 to 10 lovely weeks  (including Christmas) in the hospital. And that's why I have a love-hate relationship with snow - mostly of falling in it.

Black Friday

http://www.vibe.com/article/survive-black-friday

Yesterday was Black Friday. It was amazing to me to see all the people pushing and shoving and fighting in order to get the the stuff that's on sale. And even where people were polite and orderly, the number of hours that they were out there looking for deals was amazing.

Now, I have to say that I have had my days when I've spent time with my own sister on a shopping day. The purpose though wasn't so much to see how much stuff we could get, but to have something to do while we spent all that time with non-stop gabbing.

What truly amazed me about the spending spree yesterday was what people were spending all that money on. Electronics, toys, phones, jewellery, clothes, appliances, pretty much anything and everything that is not a necessity.

Then I think about my daughter and what she has told me when I've asked her in the not too distant past what she has wanted for her birthday or for Christmas. "I don't want anything mom. I don't need anything. I have so much stuff and there are so many people in the world that don't even have enough to eat.". It kind of makes me ashamed to want any of those things that I went to look at when I was out at the store yesterday.

So here we are in North America, spending hundreds of dollars on things we don't really need, and others, some half a world away, and other just on the other side of the city perhaps, don't have enough dollars to spend on food to eat. Kind of makes you think, doesn't it?

Isn't it amazing that our children teach us when we are supposed to be their teachers? 
Photo credit

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